The mission if you like, for want of a better term – to explain that calling inner voice or that other than you type of feeling. Not quite sure what or who you are to refer to.
I had a premonition or sense that I was destined for a more worthy life and hence got up and took the road to find out what exactly that meant.
No more shifting sideways, avoiding the intent to do for myself the very best. In fact I searched over many lands, cultures and beliefs but only to find that calling continuing inside of me. There appeared in that venerable quantity of ideas a one off answer to my continual exasperation and here is what I understood as heard.
God is a euphemism, but a mighty honourable type of endeavour to pursue. However if one is unable to identify who they are and what they desperately want to pursue, there is nothing at the end of one’s life but a peculiar feeling that too much has been wasted and not enough earned to venture into that unknown quantity, the end of one’s life on Earth.
Many have followed down a search and rescue Self style path, only to end up in a madness that does not equate to the usual medical term.
When one is under the illusion that they are better than first thought, or had a notion that grandeur is part of their initial birth plan, then that is a notion more than is required to send one into never land and never there to aspire. Then when that day of awakening occurs, there is disaster and abandonment – the minimum to be experienced at that time.
Come only when I require of you
and then to give me what I desire, I think.
Do persist, but not on your immediate terms,
those I will not venture until we talk out
and make a commitment to my particular needy terms.
Then comes a disaster way past what first was initially felt.
This is the ultimatum of a sort no one in the world actually wants to venture to take.
Comes in as a wave, a type of illusionary state,
but eventually comes under another and another type of illusion
and this I fear for anyone is worse than any loss to date.
Bring out the tissues, those delicate type of wiping cloths,
give over your day job and begin to genuflect in any way possible
rather than spit and shout.
Here in comes the crunch, just as you begin to undertake
further instructions the mind has reeled out for you to partake.
Various type influences flood your mind
taking you into avenues of delicate but often disastrous consequences
all of the times you feel inadequate and lose your sense of worthwhile self.
I thought that God was a type of influence in my life,
Biblical stories as soon as I could read or write.
Listening at night and at the various institutions’ view
I came readily as an adult to recognise the influence was more out of ignorance
than of an experience the type I was previously to go through.
Each in their own way knows what they experience, feel and understand.
Each knows what painful experiences and delightful agendas have in store,
but nothing like the visitations I went through for sure.
Well, that is my own experience
and I of course cannot begin to understand yours that too I am assured.
No apologies, this that I felt was more an undertaking
as if when I was first in my mother’s womb
prior to when I first awoke breathing under my own conditioned life stakes.
Here in the womb comfortable and supportively provided
a life began to form as the egg and sperm began a journey
more than most of us could possibly undertake.
But there it is.
Nature for you a most amazingly rich and often puzzling advanced beyond us state.
Here in the womb my mother gently prepared for her birth undertaking
a precariously dangerous state gaining momentum near to that eventual date.
Nothing in the world can prepare one for this event –
a real virginal opportunity to bring new life into another world
previously not known or difficult to undertake that pathway puzzle
until finally far too late.
Nothing in the world as wonderful as a birth,
coming together mother and child in union until that eventual cord is cut
and disconnect if felt and understood – divide.
Divided we begin our journey alone
each giving to the other until again another form of separation
and this time a difficulty until the world understands
that life on this planet is a universal call
to bring out the best one has inside to partake in that preservation
in whatever way we are designed to give
and call our own specific donation or breath of life.
God’s spell is a difficult one to pass by
without understanding the passage previously endured.
Each of our lives has a specific generational past to engage
with a wisdom instilled at our birth.
To give to the world we are able to endure something of a special significance
each our own journey provided since that initial birth.
Give in a way that provides a passionate type of call, a type of influence
that denies all other more often than not logical and rationally advanced knowing,
but there it is – just does.
In for the pounding and difficulties as they arise, yet it is all worth it
as illusion is part of that coming in and making one’s Self feel well and truly alive.
BUT and this is a big one as I previously explained
it does not come without problems when the light is turned on
and the view at this point does not readily reveal
all the gold and glory one did hope for at first.
But there is a silver lining much later down a very precariously difficult track
to come to recognise this journey about life is all and every way
really and truly all about you.
You who are inside waiting upon that time for that calling,
or voice, or vision or perhaps illness, ill-health of some kind.
Others comment it is more about the changes life provides
in having all your life support mechanisms fall along a way gone side.
I experienced many and they were all difficult
until I began to understand we are the worst kind,
putting ourselves down in the gutter far way below a level of agreeable side.
Then comes that disaster where a God leaves and we are left again.
If there is a religious dilemma involved here as to why, I do not quite understand.
Until one day as that eventual stage arises
there is a bigger light that let’s in more information than ever before
and this time it is for the better as the picture begins to be clear
that life on this planet is not entirely about you, but more about sustainment
and in how your life as a player can contribute
to the betterment of human habitation and the life span.
October 23rd, 2014
Tags: Being
